Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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