Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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