ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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