I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
