we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
