Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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