Porn is love you can see.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
