peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
