"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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