I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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