i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
