went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
