great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
