Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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