Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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