Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
