i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
