evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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