oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
