I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
