Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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