Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
