whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
