i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
