omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
