All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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