If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
