We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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