she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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