Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
