I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this boner is exhausting
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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