Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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