whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
