I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
