Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
