My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Acid is not a monday night drug
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
