apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
