forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
