its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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