I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
