Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
