i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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