I need to stop coming to work sober
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
