i think my mom watched the whole time
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i drank out of a bidet.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
