haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
