I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
