I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize