Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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