He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
