before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
