I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
