i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize