Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
