Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
