You're so nebulous sometimes
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she peed on how many people?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
