Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
