I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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