That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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