I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize