do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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