why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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