You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
