I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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