Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Everyone says I win the strip club
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
