So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
