marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
