xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
