turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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