just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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