A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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