ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
