that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
