Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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