I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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