making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
