Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
