Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
