the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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