im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
