It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize