you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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