i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
