he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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