Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
