It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
