Just cropdusted the office
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
