those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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