i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
