This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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