in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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