You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
