Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
