I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
